time and time again my world comes to end. it's like i start to build an amazing sand castle, and it stays good for a while, then, the tide comes in and everything falls apart...

trying to hold sand in your hands. it just runs through your fingers. that's me trying to grasp at a life. i succeed in keeping a little on my palm but the majority of it, everything that matters, falls through my fingers. and there is nothing that i can do. i just have to sit there an watch as my world falls apart, as the waves crash around and tear my world apart..

........

loneliness is the worst feeling possible. i can be surrounded by the most important people, but i have this tendency to not want to get too close, people leave. and they don't come back, i have had many people who i trusted and i let my guard down around, just stop caring, just left me alone again. and it's hard for me to find the right people who actually want me to be around them. and i put up walls to prevent from being hurt, but in turn, i am hurting myself.

i act like i'm fine, i always say i'm fine i don't show it. at least, i try not to show it.

i'm working on finding people that care, i'm working really hard to keep them.