time and time again my world comes to end. it's like i start to build an amazing sand castle, and it stays good for a while, then, the tide comes in and everything falls apart...

trying to hold sand in your hands. it just runs through your fingers. that's me trying to grasp at a life. i succeed in keeping a little on my palm but the majority of it, everything that matters, falls through my fingers. and there is nothing that i can do. i just have to sit there an watch as my world falls apart, as the waves crash around and tear my world apart..

........

loneliness is the worst feeling possible. i can be surrounded by the most important people, but i have this tendency to not want to get too close, people leave. and they don't come back, i have had many people who i trusted and i let my guard down around, just stop caring, just left me alone again. and it's hard for me to find the right people who actually want me to be around them. and i put up walls to prevent from being hurt, but in turn, i am hurting myself.

i act like i'm fine, i always say i'm fine i don't show it. at least, i try not to show it.

i'm working on finding people that care, i'm working really hard to keep them.

Athazagoraphobia is the fear of being forgotten.

I think a lot of us can relate to this, we all need to feel loved and safe. So why do we try to make each other feel so different, so forgotten to the world. Because in the end we all bleed red.

I hate when someone treats you like shit and you still care. you don't want to but you can't help it.

Who Am I?

I'd always wanted to be a victim, so I could see who cared and finally have a reason to be depressed.
Now I am, now I'm losing my only friend.
Sometimes, I want to die, there I said it.
Are you happy now? Will you help me? Will you stay with me? I didn't think so.

I'm sorry.
I put you through so much.
I give you a hard time about everything, I don't eat, and sometimes,

I'll actually try to make you worry.
I know I shouldn't, but to be honest, I've never had someone care like you do.
And seeing how much you care just makes me feel amazing.

Someone asked why i love hugs so much.
I told them that i didn't want to say because I would feel stupid.
The reason I love hugs and arms around me so much is that for once I trust someone being that close.
It is gentle. And even though i haven't opened up about my horrible past, my self-harm, depression etc...
They still care.

random

Every morning when I wake up, I want to go back to sleep.
Not because I'm tired, but because I don't want to go through the pain I feel every day.


I don't even know who to trust anymore.
Everyone is a liar, and that's the truth.
Even if you don't lie to others, you can always lie to yourself.


I feel awkward around teenagers, though I am one.
They seem like there off in some ignorant world filled with drugs, sex, and stupidity.
I often force myself to try and relate to them. I try to be "normal." 
Then I realize its not making me happy. So i have decided. F*** society and its rules, I'm going to live my life my way.