Is it better to have loved and lost, than to ever have loved at all??

Is it better to have loved and lost, than to ever have loved at all?

this is a very debatable question. yes or no?

Yes: many people believe that losing someone you love is better than having not loved before, they say this because at least they have known the feeling of love, and they know the good that comes from this feeling of love. they believe that the food that comes from love, even after it is gone far outweighs the negative emotions that comes when that feeling is gone.

No: the other side of the argument. some people think no, it is better to have not loved at all the argument for this question is that not knowing what love feels like is better than feeling love and then having your whole world taken from you.

these are both good arguments.

to me i agree with both, it just depends on the person. some people have never felt love before, and some people have had love and have had it taken away from them. sometimes it just depends on the person which is worse, so this argument is questionable.

for a while i have never felt the love of others. all i wanted was to have someone love me. and care for me, but it was a long time bore i got that. love is an amazing feeling, but it does suck to have it taken away.

i cannot express how that feels. all i can say is that i don't think that any person can tell you how either one of those feels. i believe it is a personal opinion. 

so i am about done with this. i put my faith in people and they screw me over. i give my heart to my "friends" and they rip it out without so much as a word, let alone an explanation. i always put others needs before my own.


Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."


to me this verse is saying to put your own problems (issues) before others, i do not do that. i always put the people i care about's problems before my own. when i pray, i pray for others. i hardly ever pray for something that i need or want. i don't feel that i deserve anything, i care so much about the people i love. i only pray for them and there needs. even in everyday life, if i have a problem, yes, i want to talk about it, but i would rather help other people instead of them helping me.


yes, i say "i love you" more than most people, but i only say to very few people, 3, in fact. i only say it to people who i truly do love, people that i care so much for that it hurts when i don't get to see them.


but what hurts the most out of anything in life? first off, i'm fine with them not feeling the same way. yes, i do want someone to care for me and want me around and someone who honestly wants me to be their friend, instead of them just being my friend.


...


everybody hurts the people they love, but you forgive them, because you love them. but when people give up on that friendship, that relationship, that is what hurts more than anything else in the world. when your friends turn their back on you and stop caring. that is what hurts the most.


like many of you know i have been through a lot of shit in my life, but the things that haunt me today are not those things directly. the abuse from my father doesn't bother me, the abuse from the camp counselor doesn't bother me, the abuse from my mother and grandmother doesn't bother me. 


what bothers me is the lack of friends. the lack of parents. it makes me sad when i here people talking about how awesome their dads are. when they talk about all the fun times they had with their friends growing up. that depresses me because i don't have that. here now, when people call me gay and pick on my, that depresses me. i have grown up with that my whole life, i haven't had friends because everyone believed i was gay. i was excluded from just about everything in high school. i have never had friends until i got here at OC. 


and when the people here are supposed to be good people, and they treat me the EXACT same way as everyone else has treated me. it hurts. it probably hurts a lot more than it should. 


at the beginning of the school year i had many "friends". one by one these friends left me. good thing i had some more friends to fall back on. but the "friends" who lasted the longest, the "friends" who saw what the others did and how they treated me, the "friends" who said that they wouldn't treat me that way. yeah, no surprise that they end up leaving too, right?


and that one person that i have in my life, the one person that is there throughout everything that doesn't leave. leaves. so i end up hurting because she left. the only way i could get over our relationship is to move on. just leave her behind, so that's what i do. and that may not be the productive way to do things but it is the only way that helps me get over someone. to cut all ties, burn bridges. now i did try to contact and talk to these people before i decide to do this and if they give me no ground.


but there are people out there that care for me, i just have to hang on until i find them.

I'm the friend you all ditch when something better comes up.

You never ask if I want to join you, or invite me over. I have no real friends.

And what's the point of trying when it only deepens my deppression and lessens my eating? I hope you are proud.

You've destroyed my trust once again.

This goes out to a dear friend.

Even if you try to erase your sins, they will always be in the back of your mind. You can regret it, want to undo it, or punish yourself... But the more you think about it, the more unbearable it becomes, you can fall into your own hell, go to prison, or you can look for forgiveness... But in the end, the answer lies within yourself.

Light/Darkness?

darkness exposes the light in people. it sounds weird.

The depths of my soul are rooted in dark thoughts, but then we all have darkness and light in us. if we are all light on the outside, there's noting but darkness underneath.

if a person only shows there light side all they have is darkness left in their souls. people have both good and bad. it's human nature. some people can resist these urges. however, most people can't resist. they try to repress these emotions and urges, but they are still there eating away at their souls. they are still here in their souls. a person has to show both darkness and light in order to survive. they won't mesh in society. some people are the opposite. all they have on the outside is darkness. some people have this darkness but are good on the inside. the bad things they do is a cover to hide what is really going on. so people won't know who they are. but same goes for the light. people go on through their lives and put on a happy shiny face. so that everybody else won't see the darkness on the inside. darkness does not necessarily mean evil. darkness means what it says. darkness. a hole in their soul where there is darkness. darkness could mean depression, anger, jealousy, even resentment. this comes from repressing these emotions and not showing them for people. bottling emotions like this up, it leads to bad things.

So what's wrong with me? People don't like to be around. They'll be around me until they find something better to do. But you know what? I hate everyone. I hate everyone. You all have your family and your friends I have no one. Me? I have no one to pit my trust into. Everyone just avoids me when they can or finds a way to get out of it. I don't have anyone to confide in. I'm stuck here being miserable and i have to watch everyone be happy. It sucks.

What is sacrifice? We keep saying we want change, but we keep doing the same shitty things every day. I used to believe that people couldn't change, that all we could do is have as much fun as we could before it all came to an end. But now, now I don't want it to end.