This goes out to a dear friend.

Even if you try to erase your sins, they will always be in the back of your mind. You can regret it, want to undo it, or punish yourself... But the more you think about it, the more unbearable it becomes, you can fall into your own hell, go to prison, or you can look for forgiveness... But in the end, the answer lies within yourself.

Light/Darkness?

darkness exposes the light in people. it sounds weird.

The depths of my soul are rooted in dark thoughts, but then we all have darkness and light in us. if we are all light on the outside, there's noting but darkness underneath.

if a person only shows there light side all they have is darkness left in their souls. people have both good and bad. it's human nature. some people can resist these urges. however, most people can't resist. they try to repress these emotions and urges, but they are still there eating away at their souls. they are still here in their souls. a person has to show both darkness and light in order to survive. they won't mesh in society. some people are the opposite. all they have on the outside is darkness. some people have this darkness but are good on the inside. the bad things they do is a cover to hide what is really going on. so people won't know who they are. but same goes for the light. people go on through their lives and put on a happy shiny face. so that everybody else won't see the darkness on the inside. darkness does not necessarily mean evil. darkness means what it says. darkness. a hole in their soul where there is darkness. darkness could mean depression, anger, jealousy, even resentment. this comes from repressing these emotions and not showing them for people. bottling emotions like this up, it leads to bad things.

So what's wrong with me? People don't like to be around. They'll be around me until they find something better to do. But you know what? I hate everyone. I hate everyone. You all have your family and your friends I have no one. Me? I have no one to pit my trust into. Everyone just avoids me when they can or finds a way to get out of it. I don't have anyone to confide in. I'm stuck here being miserable and i have to watch everyone be happy. It sucks.

What is sacrifice? We keep saying we want change, but we keep doing the same shitty things every day. I used to believe that people couldn't change, that all we could do is have as much fun as we could before it all came to an end. But now, now I don't want it to end.

Me?

• You say I have lots of friends because you see a lot of people talk to me. What you don't see is all the people talking shit about me behind my back and right there in front of my face. I hate it when people talk down to me like I'm stupid and talk down to me like I'm a child. I hate it. I am stupid. I am not a child. I never had a childhood. I have never been a child. And I hate it when people talk to me like I am one. You know nothing of me, of my past. So stop treating me the way you do.

There's one thing I detest about being a guy.

I feel like I can't really tell anyone how broken I feel. How hopeless I can be. How deeply I wish for just a few things, but feel like they'll never happen. There's a whole huge part of me I can't share with people. And I don't know what to do about it.